Techniques to Mend a Broken Heart?

There are five important techniques that can help a broken heart. Let’s face it .. heartbreak is a part of life, however can be one of the most crippling emotions ever experienced…let us go through them one by one…


The first technique is dissociation. It is always quite simple to have a knee jerk negative reaction due to things that happen in your life. This often leaves people feeling stressed, angry, or sad. For instance, if you argued with your colleague in your office, or you had a fallout with a close friend, etc. – all such situations can cause you a lot of stress and may lead to a lot of negative thoughts and ideas as well. In such cases, the dissociation technique can be used to kill the negative feelings and can help you restore objectivity.

To do this, you first need to identify the emotions that are plaguing you; this may include discomfort, rage, anger, hatred, etc. Now play this ‘visual movie’ backward. Then fast forward the movie. Once again, play it backward again. Once you are done playing it backward, add a comic soundtrack to the movie, and play it backwards around three to four times more. After all of this, try to imagine the original scenario once again. Your negative feelings should be long gone by now, or they must have reduced significantly. Repeat the exercise until they go away completely. 

Content Reframing

You can try this method when you are feeling particularly powerless and dejected. Use it to feel empowered once again and change your life. For instance, if you went through a bad break up recently, you may feel quite awful and sad. However, it is necessary to look at things from different angles. 

For instance, instead of concentrating on your past, try to look at the good things in your present and future. Think about the new people you are meeting or will meet. If you are not seeing anyone new currently, think of the freedom that you gained from the last relationship. This is basic reframing in which you focus on the better things in your life to avoid the negative ones. In bad situations, it is natural to panic or feels afraid. However, in such situations, you need to calm down and be serene so that you can think of ways to come out of the problem. In such cases, this technique can be used to focus on the more important things and calm your mind. A calm mind will allow you to make quick and better decisions.

Anchoring Yourself

In this technique, you need to anchor or associate yourself with positive feelings in your life. You need to adhere to situations that will lead to positive results and responses.  When you create an anchor like this, you can summon it whenever you feel down and dejected, and it will cheer you up in no time. 

To make an anchor, think of something that makes you feel happy and glad. This may include a variety of things. For instance, for some people it may be the face of their child or a happy memory with a loved one, etc. However, do not choose a memory with a person who is no longer in your life –- like your ex.  Then choose an anchoring phrase like ‘I am_______’ and touch the back of your wrists. Repeat your positive phrase at least once a day while touching the pressure point. Also, try to recall the happy memory while doing so. Soon, your brain will become accustomed to the process, and you will start feeling happy just by touching the back of your wrist or remembering your key phrase. 

Establishing Rapport

This is a fairly simple but quite potent technique. It can help you to get along with almost every person you meet, thus helping your relationships with others. 

There are a variety of ways of building rapport with a person. One of the best ways of creating a rapport with a person is by following the breathing pattern of the person you are trying to create a rapport with.  You should also try to mirror their body language subtly. Another common technique of establishing rapport with other people includes listening to people and checking which sensory perception leads to their attitude and behaviour. You can then use the same perception to influence them and form a rapport with them. 

You can also use this method to meet new people and judge the old ones. This will allow you to learn whether a person is worth your time or not.

Belief Changing

Another technique that you can use is the belief changing technique. In this system, you need to forgo your old belief system, and you need to cultivate a different approach. This is often seen in people who have had a bad experience and then start judging all the future experiences by using the old experience as a touchstone. You need to forgo such touchstone in this technique.   

Try to gather more positive facts regarding the new things in your life, which are relevant to the old, negative situation. Now, instead of focusing on the negative aspects of the old situations, try to focus on the positive aspects of the new ones. It is also necessary to talk to yourself daily and assert the opposite of the negative experience. This will allow you to create new beliefs that will, in turn, replace the older, negative ones.  

Positive Affirmations

In the case of heartbreak, you can use the following affirmations.


  • “Even if I am suffering from this _____________, I understand that it is past me, and I accept this fact, and I accept myself completely.”
  • “My past is long gone, and I do not feel anything about _________________, t. The relationship is a matter of the past, and I enjoy my life now.”
  • “I am happy that I can get over ________________.”

The blanks in the sentences can be filled in with a variety of things; in this context, however, you must fill in the reasons for your heartbreak, your ex’s name, your emotions, etc.  Fill in all the problems that you need to address and solve. 

Remember, it does not matter if you believe in the power of affirmation to begin with; you just need to repeat it all the time and ‘feel’ it!!. You will see results!!

There is no specific way of saying affirmative phrases. However, it is recommended that you say them with enough emphasis and feeling. If you cannot do so, you can also say the phrases normally. It will do the job as well.

The best way of saying the affirmative phrases is loudly and with emphasis, but. However, if you need to repeat the phrases in a social situation or a place where you cannot speak loudly such as in your library –- mutter the phrase, or do it as silently as possible. However, you must enunciate the phrases, mere thinking of them will not work.

The Gratitude List

The Quantum Evolve

 NLP Consultancy, specialising in Smoking and Substance Abuse and  advocates of general Mental Health & Wellbeing.